Best Funny Retirement Quotes
I retired early for health reasons — my company was sick of me and I was sick of them.
– Unknown
When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income.
– Chi Chi Rodriguez
Retired people compliment my teeth, then tell me to take care of them. This always makes me think they are trying to steal them.
– Emily Claire Tamblyn
Retirement . . . is when you stop living at work and begin working at living.
– Unknown
The challenge of retirement is how to spend time without spending money.
– Unknown
I’m retired – goodbye tension, hello pension!
– Unknown
Retirement is waking up in the morning with nothing to do and by bedtime having done only half of it.
– Unknown
Retirement is when the living is easy and the payments are hard.
– Unknown
When you retire, you switch bosses – from the one who hired you to the one who married you.
– Gene Perret
The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off.
– Abe Lemons
I never stopped doing anything [when I retired], I stopped getting paid for it.
– Bill Chavanne
He who laughs last at the boss’s jokes probably isn’t far from retirement.
– Unknown
I enjoy waking up and not having to go to work. So I do it three or four times a day.
– Gene Perret
Retirement: World’s longest coffee break.
– Author Unknown
I’ve been attending lots of seminars in my retirement. They’re called naps.
– Merri Brownworth
Happiness is taking early retirement and spending all of my kids’ inheritance before I die!
– Unknown
The worst thing about retirement is having to drink coffee on your own time.
– Unknown
Before deciding to take early retirement from your job, stay home a week and watch daytime television.
– Author Unknown
Retirement is that marvelous time of life when the sun rises and you don’t.
– Unknown
In your retirement years never drink coffee at lunch; it will keep you awake in the afternoon.
– Unknown
Funny Quotes and Saying about Retirement
Retirement: When you stop lying about your age and start lying around the house.
– Unknown
Retirement: It’s nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese.
– Gene Perret
Retirement is wonderful. It’s doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it.
– Gene Perret
If you have the time, you won’t have the money. If you have the money, you won’t have the time.
– Wolter’s Law
Retirement – Wheels are still spinning, but the hampster’s slowing down.
– Unknown
Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache… unless you play golf.
– Gene Perret
My retirement plan is to find a shopping cart with good snow tires.
– Patty Doyle
When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch.
– R.C. Sherriff
Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five, I still had pimples.
– George Burns
Retirement: That’s when you return from work one day and say, “Hi, Honey, I”m home – forever.”
– Gene Perret
Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it to the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money.
– Jonathan Clements
At age 20, we worry about what others think of us. At age 40, we don’t care what they think of us. At age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all.
– Ann Landers
I believe in financial retirement. I don’t necessarily believe in physical retirement.
– Jerry Doyle
Retirement: When you have given so much of yourself to the company that you don’t have anything left that the company can use.
– Author Unknown
Men do not quit playing because they grow old; they grow old because they quit playing.
– Oliver Wendell Holmes
Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
– Mark Twain
The money is no better in retirement but the hours are!
– Author Unknown
When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch.
– R C Sherriff.
Retirement kills more people than hard work ever did.
– Malcolm Forbes
